A long, long time ago Colecovision won a forum poll to decide which platform I would review next. I put it off for a long fucking time, but I decided to give it a shot. So here we go.

To refresh your memory, here are my other reviews:
Mattel Hyperscan
Atari Lynx
3DO
Atari Jaguar
Nokia N-Gage QD
Virtual Boy

As you might have noticed, the above platforms were all fringe platforms. For one reason or another, most of them sold poorly and are generally hated or misunderstood by the average gamer.

But the Colecovision is a different story. From 1982 until late 1984, Colecovision was the platform of choice for hardcore gamers. It died along with the rest of the second generation consoles (aside from the resilient 2600) during the great Crash, and people quickly forgot about it when the NES came out. But for a few years, Colecovision was king.

It has far more advanced than the 2600 or Intellivision. Colecovision and its main competitor, Atari 5200, were the first consoles that let people have the arcade experience at home. Sure, the 2600 had some versions of arcade games, but they hardly resembled the games they were based on. 2600 and Intellivision were both far better for original games. Colecovision was all about bringing the arcade home. Sort of the Neo-Geo or Saturn of its day. Atari 5200 had similar capabilities, but it had too many issues to take out Colecovision (maybe I’ll tell you about those issues when I review 5200).

Let’s look at the system:

There are a few points of interest. You’ll notice the cartridge slot on the top of the unit. It has a hinge-based dust cover, which wasn’t common on systems at the time. The on/off switch is on the right, with the reset button residing on the left. Taking a page from the Intellivision’s book, the controllers rest inside the system. This makes for convenient storage, and I actually like it. The last, and possibly most important thing you’ll notice is the expansion slot on the front. What could that be for? Well, as it turned out, a lot of things. One expansion module was an arcade steering wheel, allowing you to play driving games with more precision. Sounds like standard stuff these days, but before the Colecovision driving games were either played with a joystick or an Atari hand wheel controller (which looks like a Pong paddle, except the wheel turns 360 degrees). Coleco also released an expansion module which allowed you to play Atari 2600 games. That’s a huge “fuck you” to your primary competitor, right there. Imagine an Xbox 360 add-on, produced by Microsoft, that let you play PS2 or PS3 games on it. Atari tried to sue, but they lost the case because the Atari 2600 was made entirely of parts you could buy off the shelf. The third expansion module turned the Colecovision into a fully functional ADAM computer, complete with keyboard and printer. Not useful by today’s standards and a huge financial failure, but still sort of cool.

Let’s take a closer look at those nifty controllers:

Again, reminiscent of the Intellivision, but also distinct. It has two fire buttons (one on either side), a joystick on top, and a keypad. The keypad has a slot which lets you slide an overlay over it, making it easy to identify functions in games that require more than two buttons. The keypad can be a little difficult to access, but it really isn’t used for regular gaming. A special attack every now and again, menu navigation, switching modes, and other such things. One cool thing about the system is that it uses a standard 9-pin connector, just like Genesis and Atari 2600/7800. So once you get a game started, you can swap out your controller for a different one if you like.

The graphics on the Colecovision blew those of previous systems out of the water. The only contemporary system that could compete with it was 5200, and the two systems have numerous advantages and disadvantages when compared to one another. Take a look at a few Colecovision games:

Very, very good compared to Atari 2600. Colecovision games tended to look clearner and more colorful than their 5200 counterparts. In contrast, a 5200 game often had better sound and smoother movement.

And now we come to the system’s library. As I mentioned before, the Colecovision had a lot of great arcade ports. It has the best version of GORF you can find. It also has great versions of Galaxian, Frogger, Centipede, Defender, Frenzy, and (of course) Donkey Kong. Some of the mentioned games have better versions on 7800, but the Colecovision definitely has the best versions of some of them and also some great exclusives. If you like SHMUPs, early platformers, or arcade games in general you’re going to feel right at home with Colecovision. You won’t find a better version of Pitfall, Defender, Dragonfire, or Riveraid. The Colecovision is also the way to go for home versions of more obscure arcade titles, like Congo Bongo or BurgerTime. For original titles, look no further than the hilarious BC’s Quest for Tires or Space Panic.

I should mention that the Colecovision’s hardware can be a bit problematic. Not as bad as PS2 or Xbox 360 by a long shot, but it’s worth bringing up. Sometimes you’ll end up with a noisy video signal, which indicades that your power switch needs to be cleaned from the inside. Also, there’s a chip inside the system that oversees the controlles that has been known to go out. It happened to my system, and though it wasn’t hard at all to fix, it was a pain in the ass. And the power supplies themselves often died out, but luckily, they’re external and not too hard to find.

Bottom line? The Colecovision was an outstanding system. Overshadowed by the Atari 2600 and NES (the two biggest systems that immedinately preceded and succeeded it), but an amazing system in its own right. The only reason I can think of for its relatively unknown status is its short lifespan, because while it was around it sold pretty well (about three times as many units as Atari 5200). The system is fairly expensive these days (60 dollars and up for a loose console), but many of its games are dirt cheap. They’re often mistaken for 2600 carts at used game stores, which makes it easy to pick them up on the cheap.

So, do I recommend the Colecovision? It depends on who it’s for. Retro gamers, arcade enthusiasts, and collectors will have tons of fun with it. Your average 15 year old 360 owner will probably not understand it. It’s sort of expensive and a little buggy, but it’s still an outstanding console. I might recommend getting the Colecovision and the expansion module to play Atari 2600 games, to save you the space of having two whole consoles and add more value to the Colecovision itself.

Final score: A-

So I’ve been playing bits of After Burner Climax and loving it. Curiosity made me go check out some of the reviews to see what other people thought about the game. Generally people are knocking it because they said it’s too short. Those people are right in saying that the game is short. Too short though? I think that depends on who’s playing it. Lemme explain.

My gaming style is very particular. I put a high emphasis on time. Not in a sense that I look for naturally long games, rather I look for games that are more fun to play in the same amount of time or less than other games. Put simply, I like arcade games. My rule of thumb is that I look for games that get to the point in 30 seconds or less. That’s what After Burner Climax does and it does it very well.

People have also said that the amount of content doesn’t justify the $10 price tag. That’s also subjective and it ties into my previous point. I am more willing to pay for a shorter game if it successfully crams concentrated chunks of fun into a shorter time span. I am less willing to pay for a game that requires a hefty time investment in order to get a return (fun) on said investment.

My point is, everyone has their own unique style of gaming. To say a game is lackluster because of lack of length or lack of depth can only apply if other similarly designed games out-do it in those categories. For those of you that enjoy longer games, these (length and content) may be valid critiques. For those of you that like shorter games, gameplay becomes a much more powerful metric for measuring the game’s value.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

Final Fantasy games are a commitment, fans are very touchy when it comes to changes in any new FF game. It’s to be expected then, that many fans were turned off by the linear nature of this game. However, Final Fantasy XIII tells a story so grandiose that you won’t mind getting pushed along by the narrow hallways. The story revolves around the psychological effect of a group of strangers being thrust into an extremely dire circumstance. I can’t really explain too much of the story because if I start to explain one thing I end up having to explain another, but I can tell you that from maybe the 5th hour of the game until the very end, all of the main characters that you roll with start living on borrowed time, which causes each character to latch on to any reason to keep moving forward, even some going so far as to keep going only so they can murder another main character. Some turns that the plot takes are so immense that some characters even contemplate suicide.

The locations that you visit during the course of the 45+ hour game always look good. Always. Sometimes I had to stop in one place for 5 minutes at a time just to look around, and I was playing on the 360 version, which is graphically inferior to the PS3 version. You’ll visit cities, but you usually won’t be able to do much when you get there because the army is constantly on their tail which means that the characters cannot stay in one place for too long.

The battle system is probably the most fleshed out and complex system in any FF game, there are 6 types of roles Commando (attacker),Ravager (spell casters),Sabotuer (debuffers),Synergist (buffers),Medic (healer) Sentinel (defender),  and 3 people in your party at any time means lots of combinations to take down your enemies. You can make a custom paradigm deck for battles and allows you to switch between them at any time in battle, start off with an offensive paradigm and then when your characters need it, switch to a paradigm with a medic for instance. Make a Sentinel to draw enemy attack while a Synergist is busy buffing the party and have a medic heal any damage the Sentinel is taking. There are a diverse number of paradigms you can experiment with, and the game encourages you to experiment and also lets you get in over your head without consequence.

Some of the gripes I had with the game came from the characters themselves, Lighting for instance, doesn’t do anything for her to stand out as the main protagonist, most of the other characters had more involvement in the story than she did, Vanille for instance, does most of the narration and is the catalyst for most of the events in the game, at one point I asked myself why she wasn’t the main character. Sazh seems to be the only one grounded in reality, as the other characters are making rash decisions, Sazh is the only one that questions them. Other than these minor character flaws, I honestly had no other gripes with the game, of course, I’m not as critical as some, and will definitely find problems, many will be off-put by the extreme linearity, while I welcomed it as it helped moved the fantastic story along without any distractions. The villain has a very malicious goal and welcomes it’s own death just to achieve it. The soundtrack is (as par for the Final Fantasy course), excellent, and the battle system keeps revealing new things to you so it never gets old.

As long as you don’t come into the game expecting a terrible experience, you should come away with a satisfying feeling.

Score: 9.2/10

The Mattel Hyperscan was released in 2006 to lukewarm consumer reception. Parents viewed it as a teenager’s system due to some of its “T for Teen” game ratings and teenagers viewed it as a children’s system due to its almost exclusive use of licensed characters from comics/movies/TV series. It had an innovative concept and nice design, but was ultimately plagued by long load times and minuscule developer support.

The first thing you’ll notice about the system is that Mattel did not go into this endeavor with their whole ass, so to speak. No, it was very much half-assed. There’s no reason the system should have had such slow load times, considering the fact that it uses basic CD-ROMs as its media format. The system has no shortage of RAM, which means the actual speed of the drive is to blame. 52X drives were incredibly common, and even dated, by the time the Hyperscan was on the market.

The console itself is relatively well-made, but the connection cords are flimsy by comparison. The a/v cables (composite) are wired directly into the console, which sucks because if the cords go bad you have to replace the whole unit. And the AC adapter uses a Genesis/NES style brick transformer (though it is a bit smaller) rather than an in-line power supply, so plugging into a power strip is a pain. Further, the cord on the power supply is pretty thin and doesn’t seem very durable. But thankfully, it’s just a common connector and a replacement power supply can be found at any Radioshack or similar store.

Perhaps the most obvious sign that Mattel was trying to save on costs is the packaging of the games. They come in cardboard cases (think Nintendo 64), but they’re NOT RE-SEALABLE. The top flap is actually glued down, so once you open a game it stays that way forever. Could it really have been difficult to use a simple flap design, so we could tuck the lid back into the case and close the damned game? And once you get into the box, what do you see? You see that your game comes in a fucking paper sleeve. Too cheap to spring for a damned jewel case, Mattel?

These cost-cutting measures are puzzling, because Mattel really went after Atari with the Intellivision back in the day. They spared no expense with manufacturing, development, advertising, sponsorships, etc. That’s clearly not the case with the Hyperscan.

So far the review has been mostly negative, but there are actually a few redeeming factors. First off, I like the controller. The controller layout is pretty familiar to most gamers. Essentially, it’s a Dualshock with only one analog stick and no D-Pad. The secondary shoulder buttons are also trigger-style, but other than that it’s going to be very similar. Here is what it looks like:

When you hold the controller in your hand, it feels a little weird at first. It’s very light and it doesn’t seem like there’s a lot to it. But once you get the feel of it, it’s actually a very nice controller. I like the tactile response from the buttons and the joystick works very well. As an aside, the controller connects with an old-school PS/2 (keyboard and mouse) connector, meaning it could easily be adapted to USB and used on your PC.

Getting more into the hardware of the system, there’s a few things to look at. One is the main draw of the system, the scanner, which we’ll get to later. Right now we’re going to take a look a the technical aspects of the system:
108mhz RISC 32-bit processor (for reference, the Dreamcast’s CPU runs at 200mhz)
16MB RAM (Dreamcast has 26MB total RAM)
640×480 native resolution
4X CDROM drive

The system should be able to push some decent looking 3D games, as those specifications far outclass those of the Nintendo 64 or Playstation. But 3D games cost money, so what we ended up getting was 2D games with poorly rendered 3D character models.

The system itself actually feels very sturdy. It has a folding clamshell design to reveal the scanner, and the disc tray is accessed via a pop-up lid not unlike that of the SEGA CD. It has a good weight to it and feels like it would hold up if you dropped it or stepped on it by accident. This is one thing Mattel got right; if you’re going to market a system to children, you have to make it tough.

Now, let’s take a look at the system itself:

It actually looks decent. It’s very compact and it lights up red while in use, like those sneakers you used to have that lit when you walked (how awesome were those?). Unlike most “children’s systems”, the Hyperscan doesn’t look out of place on my shelf between the Nintendo 64 and Playstation 3. It looks like it belongs next to other game consoles, whereas something like a V-Smile or Leapfrog looks like it belongs in a toy box.

And now is the time to talk about the scanner, which is the system’s big gimmick. Each game comes with the disc and six scannable cards. Booster packs are available for each game to expand things like the amount of characters, special attacks, abilities, levels, modes, and all sorts of other things. A prime example is X-Men, the pack-in game. When you go to play a game, it asks you to scan a character card. When you do so, your character loads on the screen. Then you can scan some stat upgrades or attack bonuses. As you play, your character gains experience and his attributes change. After you’re done, you re-scan the card and it saves the changes. It’s actually a pretty neat design, and it was made to combine two major childhood obsessions: video games and collectible card games. It adds a level of customization to every game you play, and you can trade cards with friends or use your character at his house on his system (now all you have to do is find someone else with a stupid Hyperscan). I suppose it is somewhat comparable to today’s DLC, except that you take physical ownership of the content and it’s way less expensive. Plus you can get rid of stuff you don’t like. But the idea is that you can customize and trade and build a game that you like; your levels, your characters, your attacks, your boss fights. If your friend has a Cyclops character card with badass stats, you could trade him your low-level Lady Deathstrike for it. Maybe you want to have a strong character and he wants to complete his collection.

A novel concept, really, but I kind of like it. It would have been cool to see how major publishers and developers could have utilized it.

As I mentioned earlier in the review, load times are an issue with the system. Remember waiting for Tomb Raider to load on PS1? Or the 3DO to boot up a game of Samurai Shodown? Well, that’s about how long it takes the Hyperscan to load. Maybe a little longer. Definitely a big check mark in the “negative” column.

There were only seven games made commercially for the system, and only five or six were released. Here is the entirety of the Hyperscan’s library:
X-Men
Marvel Heroes
Ben 10
Interstellar Wrestling League
Spider-Man
Avatar: The Last Airbender (May have been released in small quantities)
Nickelodeon Sports (finished but never released)

The games are on a standard CD-ROM, making them exceedingly easy to pirate. I own legitimate copies of the first two games on the list. X-Men is a poor Mortal Kombat clone. It has terrible load times and poor collision detection. One of those games that manages to be fun not because of its good aspects, but because of how ridiculous it is. You can even scan a finishing move card when you beat your opponent (FATALITY!). It’s really just a button mashing fest with some ridiculous moaning and voiceover work.

The other game, Marvel Heroes, is (surprisingly) pretty good. It’s nothing you’d actually buy a system over, but I found myself enjoying it. It’s a side-scrolling beat ‘em up in the vein of Streets of Rage. You can play as one of many Marvel comics characters including Hulk, Daredevil, and Captain America among others. The controls are simple enough. One face button jumps, two of them punch, one blocks, and the shoulder buttons do special attacks. There is plenty of action and the controls are responsive. My one complaint is that bosses don’t really react when you’re damaging them, but it didn’t really subtract from the fun. Also, your character seems to actually run slightly above the ground, but it doesn’t make a difference in the gameplay. You dodge obstacles, fight bad guys, and run through levels just like in the good ol’ days. You can even climb background objects like buildings or trees to collect powerups and other such things. Card expandability provides for more characters, more bosses, more levels, and even story modes for specific characters. Load screens during story modes contain nice little comic book panels. Overall, the game is nothing special, but it’s a lot better than I expected any Hyperscan game to be.

I haven’t played the rest of the system’s library, but the consensus online is that most of the games are actually pretty playable. I’m going to have to verify that for myself, but they’re so cheap that I don’t anticipate it taking me very long to complete my collection.

The biggest reason I bought the system, aside from the price, is that it has been cracked by the homebrew community. A few Atariage.com users have recently booted up proof of concept “Hello world” programs that let us know independent games are possible. The system has its own USB port and the games are once again on standard CD-ROM, so it will be trivially easy to distribute and load homebrew software. And the system’s relatively strong hardware capabilities mean that some pretty advanced games are definitely possible.

Overall, the Hyperscan is probably the worst system I own. But then again, there is a possibility for a bright future and the damned thing is crazy cheap. Young children actually seem to like its games more than you might think, so if you have a niece or nephew you might consider getting it for them. I bought a brand new system for less than 20 bucks and brand new games are generally under 5. You can easily find used systems in the ten dollar price range, and I would actually recommend buying one for that. There’s even a combo package that comes with two controllers, one game, and twelve scan cards on eBay right now for 16 bucks+shipping.

If I had to put a score on it, I’d probably give it a 4/10. But really, if homebrew takes off on it, it could be a hell of a lot higher.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption finally completes the Prime trilogy started on the GameCube 8 long years ago.  It takes place 6 months after MP2: Echoes ends, and everyone’s favorite bounty hunter, Samus Aran, has been hired by the Galactic Federation to deal with those pesky space pirates.  Metroid Prime 3 begins with Samus and a few other space pirates meet on a Federation ship to discuss some important Federation shit when it is abruptly attacked by Space Pirates.  After kicking their ass they are deployed the planet Norion, where the Space Pirates are attacking again.  They are trying to plant a Levianthan seed on the planet, which is essentially a seed that spreads the super-dangerous chemical Phazon around the entire planet, either corrupting or killing everything it comes in contact with.  Right before Samus activates the defense system for the base, Dark Samus appears and attacks them all.

Upon recovering from her attack a month later, it is discovered that Dark Samus’ attack has infused her and the other bounty hunters’ DNA with Phazon, and have designed a special space suit to that can harness the Phazon energy within her.  Samus has been assigned with the task of heading to the other planets in the solar system (and beyond!) to destroy the Leviathan seeds there and eradicate all Phazon as well.

Or that is what Wikipedia says.  Honestly, I can’t remember the story so I just paraphrased from there.  It obviously isn’t anything great.  But let’s get to what everyone really cares about: the gameplay.  Which is pretty awesome.  Retro Studios was magnificently able to transfer the complex controls onto the Wii remote, so there is nothing to worry about from that standpoint.  The gameplay is traditional Metroid gameplay.  You travel from area to area, destroying enemies while collecting power ups and scanning everything for tips on how to beat enemies and for data logs.  The difference in this game is that you are able to also transfer into Corruption mode, where for a short period of time, by harnessing the Phazon in your DNA, your attacks do a shit ton of damage and everything looks really trippy, although it costs health to use it.  Some enemies can only be defeated in this mode and some areas only able to be accessed in this mode.  It’s pretty cool.  Other enemies can go into their own Corruption mode as well, which makes them a bitch to fight.

Your space ship plays more of a part in Corruption than in previous games.  Besides from using it as a save station, health center, and as transportation, you can use it to destroy obstacles or move objects from one area to another.  The map has also been slightly upgraded.  Once you access a certain area, if displays on your map where the upgrades in the world are.

Overall, all of the changes are appreciated and make the gameplay better.  However, there are still some problems, nothing too major.  If you didn’t like the backtracking in the previous games, you won’t like it in this one either (although there is less of it).  Not to mention there is a quite a bit of loading between certain areas, cleverly disguised as a door waiting to open or flying between areas.

But probably the biggest set-back to the game is the loss of atmosphere.  Unlike in the previous Metroid Primes, there a good deal of contact and conversation with other people in this game.  While it does help continue the story, it loses the atmosphere of isolation in this game as well.  In the previous games, you felt truly helpless in this world, and that you all alone.  It was actually pretty creepy in areas.  This feeling of isolation in Metroid Prime 3, unfortunately, has been lost (to a degree).

But like previous games, the boss battles are still pretty awesome and varied, and the graphics are still excellent.  Prime 3 has a very varied color palette: some areas are very vibrant (like out of a hippie movie), while other areas are more dark and creepy.

Overall, Metroid Prime 3 is an excellent game that finally completes the Prime trilogy.  It will last you at least 20 hours if you take your time.  It may not be as good as the first iteration, it lives up to its Metroid name, and is one of the best adventure games on the Wii.  If you liked the previous games, get Corruption.  If you didn’t, obviously you shouldn’t get this one.

tl;dr version
Good: gameplay, graphics, atmosphere, bosses
Bad: Story is lame, backtracking can be a hassle, atmosphere isn’t as good

Score: B